Devestated

I woke up at 3am. I was sick. My throat was dry, the room spun and I could feel my heartbeat in the pit of my stomach. I got up to get some water and turn on the fan and open the window. I had 2 beers about 6 hours prior, so that wasn’t the reason. It must have been the burger I ate around 9pm causing havoc in my stomach. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I opened my lap top.

My one friend had given her facebook password to her daughter. She was going in for brain surgery because they detected an aneurysm a month or two ago. Right as I open it I see the update. She didn’t make it.

This is not someone I knew in person, but rather in game and then later on myspace and facebook. When I first started playing, I didn’t do much to make friends. It was just a game to screw around on. When I left and then I eventually came back, I wanted to take it a little more serious. I decided to train whatever my highest skill was. It was fishing, I think it was in the 30s. I spent hours fishing in Catherby as well as other various places. I’d take part in conversations, but never bothered to remember anyone’s name being that it was always a different group of people. I was so excited when I finally had the level to enter the Fishing Guild. It was here where I really met my first few friends in Runescape.

I have acquaintances and good friends in Runescape, however the first 5 people I ever really met hold a very special place in my heart. I couldn’t believe that people were spending hours and hours fishing, just like me and for some reason, stuck to the same home world of 26. I had never played any sort of MMORPG before and didn’t even know that people had ‘friends’ in them. This was over 5 years ago. I got friendly with them and we’d chat daily as we slowly chipped away at the fishing xp. As friends grew and moved on, some quitting, some just not on anymore or some who just moved to timezones where we never see each other, we all still managed to stay in contact. She was one of those friends.

I immediately logged on to see if any mutual friends were online, but there were not. I tried to go back to sleep but I really just laid restless until my alarm went off. I checked again before work but still none online. Another one of those 5 friends was very close to her, even talking to her on the phone regularly. She has to be devastated and I wish I could talk to her.

She’d even have her daughters come online (she leaves behind a long term boyfriend and 4 kids) to say hello to us. I remember doing that for three years. They’d eventually get their capes before me. I got mine and still fished, but got more interested in doing other things. We didn’t see each other on a daily basis in the game anymore, but we’d still PM and chat that way. She continued to fish with another one of those core friends, both pretty much earning their fishing cape about 4 times over. She’d PM me saying she’s so impressed with the way I’ve been knocking out my total levels, I’d gush equally about how much fishing xp she has and how high ranked she is in it.

It’s amusing, she got tired of having a couple adult beverages and then the next day realizing that she’d sold all her armor, or bought something ridiculous. To combat that, she started a new account that whenever that account was online, it’d mean she was a little tipsy. We’d laugh and joke about that for a long time.

Her life wasn’t the easiest. She struggled a lot with money, health and other personal issues. She always seemed positive though and could always laugh things off. A perfect example of this is just the other day. I had known all of what was going on, she didn’t feel the need to hide much and we were so close she’d tell me pretty much everything and I would to her. I had my dates wrong and saw on her facebook that she was about to leave for the hospital to get this surgery done. I was in game at the time and saw her log out. She logged right back in and I was quick to grab her attention. She said she was leaving in about 10 mins to drive to the brain surgery center a ways away from where she lived. I told her I cared about her and assured her that everything was going to be fine. We joked about when they had her brain open to make it like the Matrix and make her learn different languages and Kung Fu. I could tell she was nervous, but the joking made her relax. She said thanks and that she’ll see me in two weeks or so when she gets back.

That’s the last conversation I’ll ever have with her.

My thoughts are with her family and friends. I’ll try to keep my shit together and get through this work day, which I am doing a terrible job of trying to do. I’ll talk to friends and family as if everything is fine. I’ll smile to coworkers but I am destroyed inside. They won’t understand. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this. It’s not just “someone on the internet.” It’s a beloved friend, who knew me more than a lot of the people that I know in real life. It’s amazing that someone on the other side of the country, who’s voice I’ve never even heard would have such an impact in my life. If you’re reading this blog it means you play the game. It also means that you get it. You get the connections that are made over time. Don’t take them for granted.

I’ll miss you Ven. You’ll always have a place in my heart.